i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
