mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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