I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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