when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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