Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
