it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
