Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I need water and some morals
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
