"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
