Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
