I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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