Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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