she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
