Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
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