It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
