Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize