GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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