Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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