shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
