I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
