the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
