You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
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