My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
