So drunk its hurt
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize
