He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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