Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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