so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
