We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
