He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
