official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
A bitchslap is in order.
My life is pants optional.
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