There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
