when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
