this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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