This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
