Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize