i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
