I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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