after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
