Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
