We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
