Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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