no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Sorry about my life...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
