okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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