There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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