If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
