That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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