I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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