i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
