where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I need a beard to bite.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
