the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Im part way to drunk.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
