You're my little dorito
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
