dude i'm inner monologue high
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize