Fine. I'll sleep in my office
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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