there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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