what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
