I just pynch a tree in the face
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
