omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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