is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
