garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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