am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
