I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
