I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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