we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
