I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
